10 Things I’m Afraid of

 

  1. I’m afraid that my fams won’t be the same once I’m out
  2. I’m afraid that the people saying I won’t be the same once I’m out are right
  3. Afraid of not getting a job because of my felonies
  4. Afraid that people will look at my mom different because of me
  5. That my sisters will forget that they have a 3rd older brother because I’ll be locked up for so long
  6. Afraid of being loyal to the wrong person again
  7. More afraid of losing respect then losing my life
  8. Afraid of ending up like my father always committing crimes
  9. Afraid of facing the fact that I’m already there because all I see is my father when I look in the mirror into my eyes
  10. I’m afraid of myself deep down inside

 

Hopeless Love

I make you feel loved and accepted for once.                                                                                                           You come to me and I listen, helping you forget about all the pain.                                                                    I’m always there for you like the first time,

holding you in my icy embrace which feels so warm to you,

taking you away from your loved ones so I can have you all to myself.                                                         And when you’re away from me for so much as a day

you feel for my lust to wrap you back up and take you away

from all the horrors in this world that are too much to bare.

I make you put me before everyone and everything

because my one and only goal is to become the center of your life

making your world revolve around me.

I make you blind with my love to where you don’t realize

what’s happening around you or yourself,

people looking at you in disgust and concern,

not being recognized by the ones you once called family.

You sell your most valued possessions in order to please me

so I’ll stay and maintain our relationship that you’re so lost in,

even though it’s only been a week.

You lose everything

so I leave

because you can no longer please my expenses and my needs.

Now I’m off to go find my next victim

to fall in love with me.

 

Life in Juvie

Use to wake up every morning to a good time with my chick,

Now I wake up every morning to walls made out of bricks.

3 hots a day cuz that’s the way it is,

Even tho’ most the time its cold and hard to keep in.

But you really can’t complain when you locked up in the pen

Especially when you looking at more time than most these other kids.

Waiting for my letters only thing that keeps me sane

Just to find out I can’t read em cuz they was talkin’ bout the game,

Been here 700 days and still ain’t got no visits

Kats asking bout my case that shit ain’t none yo’ business.

Gotta watch out who you talk to never know who be snitchin’

Hearing punks talk bout how they hard but really they ain’t wit it.

Then you got that kat that’s only doing 30 days, ain’t no real time

Like most these other kats locked up on petty crimes.

Won’t shut up at rec bout how he’s hard, never lost a fight.

But wasn’t that you crying yourself to sleep the other night.

Shit if you was in my shoes you probably take yo’ own life

Cuz I’m easy lookin’ at losing 5 years of my life.

You’d be shittin’ bricks up in your cell

You see I need a whole bank in order to make bail.

Oh, can’t forget bout the bologna sandwiches as well that shit

Be making me sick or how the apple juice like crack be these kats daily fix.

I hate having to wear underwear that’s already been worn

It’s bad enough that these blues always seem to be torn.

I do my best in order to get my level 4

Spending most of my rec doing nothing but chores.

Wake up in the morning for showers this shits too early,

Soon as we hop in they telling us to hurry.

Then I ask for my score just to find out I been greazed,

Aside from still being a 3 I got the lowest score in the whole facility…

-E.R.